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Jokes
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Top Brass Unveil New Police Data System. A great new software
announcement!!! This memo is to announce the development of a new police data
system. We are currently building a criminal information data center that will
contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to
as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday at
9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will
continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all officers will
have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of the
implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so
currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be
removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and
have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a sergeant's office
and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've
noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of
MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program,
I had a data entry clerk say to me "I'm a little nervous, I've never put
anything in MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time
and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively painless and she
was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that
after using NLETS and TLETS, she was ready to kiss MYASS. I know there are
concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but
I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save
MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering
MYASS. We planned this database to encompass all information associated with
ongoing investigations. So as you begin using the program, feel free to put
anything you want into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when
it will be commonplace to walk by the roll call room and see a sergeant hand a
paper to an officer and say "Here, stick this in MYASS." This program has
already demonstrated great benefit to the department during recent TCLEOSE
audits. After requesting certain historical data the agency representatives
were amazed at how quickly we provided the information. When asked how the
numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our training sergeant proudly stated
"Simple, I just pulled them out of MYASS."
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